Stop Annoying Me pt. 5 ( All Things Must Come To An End)

Yes folks it is true this is the last post of the "Stop Annoying Me" saga. As much as Annoying Guy annoyed me, I have some good classic stories that I'll be telling and retelling for years to come.

On Wednesday, Annoying Guy announced that he was done and was packing up and going home. Trust me none of us ( my brother, the other sales rep, and I) in the least bit, made any attempt to change his mind. I mean how could anyone get mad at for not trying after everything that he put us through. If you have not read about Annoying Guy I highly recommend that you start with "Stop Annoying Me part 1" and work your way up to this one. Trust me by the time you get to this one you will have a deep and greater understanding of all the pain, hardships, and misery that Annoying Guy has put us through since May 1st.

One story that I don't believe I have told yet is the story of the salt, pepper, and creole seasoning. For some odd reason Annoying Guy did not think that one full salt and pepper shakers and a bottle of creole seasoning would not last more than a month between five guys so he kept hiding his salt & pepper shakers and creole seasoning. Every morning he would have a new hiding spot for them and every morning I would find them and me and the rest of the guys would use some to make our breakfast and then we would leave them out for him to see that we had found them. Every other day he would complain about how he is the only one who gets to use the salt and pepper shakers and the creole seasoning because he bought it and because it "would not last more than a month between five guys." "You guys that salt & pepper shaker and bottle of creole seasoning cost me eight dollars!" We all told him there was no way in hell that it cost that much and that at most he paid around three dollars for all three the creole costing about two dollars at most.

Finally after finding it stuffed in a bag that was stuffed in another bag that was stuffed in another bag that was stuffed...(you get the picture) on top of the fridge behind some large cans of protein shake powder, Joe, James, and I decided that was it. We hide all three in an empty bowties pasta box and there they stayed till I remembered them today. A few days after hiding them, Annoying Guy and I were at the grocery store and he said, "Man I have no clue what happened to my salt, pepper, and seasoning now I have to spend another eight dollars on all that stuff." I said, "Hey I saw how much it all cost so quit saying it cost eight dollars, you paid 3 dollars max." He was pretty quiet after that and so that everyone would quit complaining, mainly Annoying Guy, I bought salt and pepper for everyone to use at the house.

Another story I heard was the day after Annoying Guy left. He and one of the other sales reps were out knocking doors and Annoying Guy says, "Man being at home with Xavier was kinda weird, he would be happy one moment and then really pissed off the next." Hmmm maybe it's because every minute of every single day for the past 3 months you have made my life a nightmare with all your stupid comments, questions, and your racial slurs towards my people and other races. You are so dense you did not even know you were making racial comments. Then there was your non stop random noises and annoying voices, and how you would always blow the smallest things out of porportion and how you always wanted everyone to feel sorry for you. Yeah I think that pretty much sums up why I hated when it was just you hanging around the house instead of going out and being to work on time like everyone else.

Anyway here is a little musical number from You Tube that perfectly describes how I am feeling about the departure of Annoying Guy.


I have attached the lyrics to the song as well in case you feel as liberated from Annoying Guy as I do.

Can You Feel A Brand New Day Lyrics
by
Diana Ross

Everybody look around
'Cause there's a reason to rejoice you see
Everybody come out
And let's commence to singing joyfully
Everybody look up
And feel the hope that we've been waiting for

Everybody's glad
Because our silent fear and dread is gone
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness

Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness
Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

To answer the question that the song poses, "Yes I can feel a brand new day!"

Stop Annoying Me!!! pt. 4 (The Breaking Point)

Well it has been just over a month since I have posted anything and I figure Annoying Guy has done a lot of annoying things the past few weeks. However last night July 4th, 2009 was the night that our patience with Annoying Guy reached its pinnacle/ breaking point. Before I go into that allow me to catch up on Annoying Guys shenanigans.

A few weeks a go I had to run an errand at the post office. The sales reps had just left for the area that they were going to be knocking in that day and the other tech that we hired who is actually pretty cool followed them so that when a sale came through he would be in the area to install the alarm system. Annoying Guy is, if you don't remember also a tech who is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, or the brightest crayon in the box whichever analogy you want to use makes no difference to me. Anyway, Annoying Guy has been in the habit of getting up late and being late to meeting, and late to installations. His excuse is he does not have enough minutes on his cell phone plan to take calls from work or to call tech support when he has an installation question. Also he does not like to drive out to the area where our sales reps are working if there are no jobs because he thinks its a waste of gas. Instead he hangs out at the office in gym shorts and no shirt and plays an Xbox boxing game building up his characters strength for hours on end or until I send him out on an installation.

One day, after the 2nd tech plays the boxing game with Annoying Guy and the 2nd Tech TKOs Annoying Guy 16 seconds into the first round twice in a row, Annoying Guy throws his controller onto the floor and storms out of the room to his bedroom and slams the door. The 2nd tech looks at me and I asked him if he has played that game before and he says, "No it's my first time playing." We both started laughing. The 2nd tech then leaves for the area that the sales reps are knocking in. A few hours later Annoying Guy comes out of his room and gets ready and drives out to the area to finally met up with the other tech. After he leaves I get a phone call from one of the reps and he tells me send Annoying Guy to the job so I call Annoying Guy and he does not answer so I call up the 2nd tech and send him to the job instead. Ten minutes later Annoying Guy returns my phone call and I say, "In this line of work it is extremely important that you answer every phone call from me when I call, you lost out on an installation job because you don't want to use minutes on work related calls. He then starts screaming at the top of his lungs at me while he is driving and I tell him to calm down and he keeps shouting so I tell him not to worry about it because the other tech is at the job site already which causes Annoying Guy to shout even louder and swear and call me names so I hang up on him and then make my brother who is the boss, aware of the situation at hand. The boss puts Annoying Guy in his place but a week later he was at it again.

I had to run an errand to the post office and Annoying Guy was the only person around with a car because everyone else had left for the days assigned area. So we go to the post office and on the way back Annoying Guy decides that he wants to go to Blockbuster and rent a movie. I told him that I was not paying for any of his rentals. We go in and he picks out "Snatch" and 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button",(Annoying Guy has a new man crush about once a month, Mays man crush was Robert Downy Jr.) we get to the register and Annoying Guy places his rentals on the counter and walks away. I ask him if he's paying for his movies and he walks out of the store so I ended up paying for them which put me in a bad mood. The minute we get home he throws one of the movies in the DVD player and starts to watch it. As I am trying to work and take phone calls Annoying Guy is commenting aloud on the film as Brad Pitts character grows younger and younger, "Wow how do they do that, that's an amazing make up job." Then when the character changes to a child actor, Annoying Guy still thinks it's Brad Pitt, "Oh My Gosh, that's amazing, I cannot believe that is Brad Pitt!" I respond, "Are you for real?" "That's a child actor, not Brad Pitt!" Then he responds, "Hey do you think people are actually born like that?" It's such a stupid question that I just ignore him.

One week later he is at it again this time it is at a job in the clients home. Annoying Guy just does not get installation despite all the training and installations that my brother has helped him out on. He is at a clients house installing a security system by himself because after 2 months of having someone help him on every install, no one wanted to help him because he should know the job by now. He texts me with unit number so I can register the system online and then I don't hear from him for a couple of hours. I am dialing his number to get an update when I get a text message from him for a new unit number to register at the same address. This causes me to think, "Oh no what has he done now. I try calling him but he refuses to answer my calls and text messages. A couple of hours later, he comes home and tells me this story which from the moment he opened his mouth I knew he was lying because one of the reps had called me and told me exactly what happened.

Annoying Guy starts off, "Man, did you hear what the 2nd Tech did today? I act like I don't know anything and he says that the 2nd tech mixed up the wiring on the ac unit of the panel and caught the system on fire." In reality, it was Annoying Guy who started a fire in the clients home, and he blew the fuse on the clients air conditioner as well. In his mind, Annoying Guy is the best tech and the hardest working tech we have who never makes mistakes, he tried telling the other reps that it was the 2nd tech who started the fire. I called the 2nd tech and asked him if he had helped Annoying Guy with any installs today and he said, " No all I did was swing by the house he was at to pick up a ladder and then I left." A few nights later Annoying Guy and a couple of the sales reps were drinking and Annoying Guy got so drunk he started to blame the 2nd tech for burning the security panel again and everyone else told him to stop lying and just accept that we all knew it was him(Annoying Guy) who had caused the fire.

Independence Day

On Thursday we drove down to my mother's home to work in the surrounding cities, Friday was a regular work day and Saturday the 4th, was only a half day. I was not feeling well so I stayed in bed most of Saturday but kept my brother's laptop and my cell phones next to me in case work calls came in. Many calls came in which was cool. I felt dehydrated and felt that was the reason I was feeling dizzy and exhausted so I drank a gallon of water. Around 3pm the sales reps returned and they went to South Padre Island. I was still not feeling well so I waited at my mother's house and did some chores for her around the house and when 2nd tech who was is now Tech 1 because after the fire incident Annoying Guy was told he could either pack his bags and go home because he was fired or he could give sales a shot. We were hoping he would pack up and go but he chose sales instead. So 3pm the sales reps including Annoying Guy head to the Island and I wait at my mother's house till Tech 1 arrives and he and I head to the island. We don't get there till around 8 pm and it is dusk. We pull up to the camp site and Annoying Guy in an attempt to be funny jumps in front of our car. Luckily we were going slow enough and did not hit him. It should be noted that this will not be the only time Annoying Guy is nearly hit by a car this night.

The day before the sales reps stopped at a fire work stand and bought 50 mortar fireworks and two launch tubes the name on the package was "Goliath." I'll get into Goliath in a bit. Anyway we start cooking and we are throwing black cat fireworks and M-80s into the sand. My brother throws one and I happen to turn right into it so it bounces of my shoulder and lands about a foot in front of Tech 1. It a small explosion and between the M-80 and Annoying Guy was Tech 1. Annoying Guy in a rather late reaction starts shouting at my brother, "Don't do that sparks flew into my eye!" We all knew he was lying so we called him out on it but he held his ground and he was also a little drunk. So he walks off, grabs another can of beer and runs to the surf and starts karate kicking and punching the waves and then starts running up and down the surf before stopping and throwing up a little. Then he comes back and and starts acting like his eye is hurt and we call him out again and he goes back to doing Karate Kid stuff in the surf. At this point we are all pretty frustrated with him because he is ruining the night for everyone else. So we decided that tonight is the night we are going to repay him for making the last two months a living hell for everyone in the office and the customers he annoyed. He comes back from the surf and runs about 20 yards from the camp site and starts pissing so me and about 5 other guys all light M-80s and throw them in his direction. They explode all around him and he keeps peeing so we throw some more in his general direction. He comes back, "Ha ha you guys very funny." and we are all laughing. Then runs back to the surf and does more Karate Kid stuff. We start to cook up some brauts and burgers and he comes back and starts acting like his eye still hurts and we tell him to shut up and that we know he is faking. He then climbs into my brothers jeep covered in sand and tries to change the music. My brother yanks him out of the jeep and get mad at him for covering his drivers seat in sand. By this point Annoying Guy is very drunk. After we eat we grab "Goliath" and 50 yard north of the campsite and set the launch tubes up. Annoying Guy eventually catches up and this is where he almost gets beat up. He starts getting mad about the "sparks flying into his eyes" earlier and again, one of the guys tells him to shut up. Annoying Guy then starts shouting even louder and then attempts to throw sand in the faces of my brother,one of sales reps, and I and then he starts shouting at us. My brother had his doberman up on the hill with us on a leash and me and the the brother of the sales rep take sides with our brothers so now its 4 guys against one scrawny Brad Pitt wannabe. We all get in his face and the doberman starts barking at Annoying Guy, My brother lets some slack on the leash and commands the dog," Go get him!" and Zeus, starts snarling growling, snapping, barking ferociously at Annoying Guy. Zeus the Doberman does not like Annoying Guy either because Annoying Guy is always picking on him and annoying him as well. By this time the one of the other sales guys and Tech 1 who were setting up the mortar tubes are just watching us and waiting for Annoying Guy to swing at one of us. One of the guys is egging Annoying Guy on, "Come one man, I dare you to swing at me I beg you please take a swing at me. Me and the other 3 guys and Zeus are ready to pounce on Annoying Guy if he does swing. Finally Annoying Guy realizes he is heavily out numbered and attempts a truce, we warn him to never throw sand at us again and to quit lying, complaining, bitching, and over reacting on every little thing like he has been all Summer. He remains quiet and we leave him alone and start to launch mortars into the air watch the different color pattens they explode into. The mortars launching was a pretty cool site and loud too and, when the mortars would launch large fireballs would shoot out of the launch tubes. One of the guys grabs three mortars, puts one in each of the two launch tubes, and places the third next to him. He ties the fuses of the two in the launch tubes together and lights it. What we did not expect was the sparks emitted from the fuses to be large and hot enough to light the third mortar that was laying near by. Nor did we expect the sparks to land on the fuse of third mortar which is exactly what happened. We did not notice till the co worker who was lighting them started shouting, "Oh crap!! Dive! Dive! Dive!" followed by him diving off the dune head first. We followed suit and one guy grabbed Tech 1 who was by the launch tubes and threw him down the sand dune. A few seconds later the first two launched out of the tube and exploded in the sky and the third exploded on top of dune sending a cloud of sand in the air. We all started laughing except for Annoying Guy who was not quite fast enough and was now covered in sand and mad again. He started getting in our faces. "That was not funny!" the rest of us have fallen to the ground laughing and one of the guys started acting like Annoying Guy, "Ahhh I got sparks in my eyes!" which made us laugh even harder. We then told Annoying Guy, "Dude you had plenty of time to dive so don't start up again." He gets pissed and stumbles down the hill. We are all annoyed with him now and decide to return the favor. As he stumbles down the sand dune we reposition the launch tubes around and close to Annoying Guys position. I call out to him, " Hey you better start running you got about 10 seconds!" He then notices the flickering light from the lit fuses in the launch tubes and says, "Oh crap!" and starts running. "Fire in the hole!" shouts one of the guys and there are two loud swooshes followed by fireballs as the mortars launch and fly towards Annoying Guy. We did not want to hit him so when we repositioned them we had the tubes aligned to where it would miss him by 20 yards or so which is what they did. They both land about 20 yards from Annoying Guy and explode sending multi-colored flames and sparks in every direction. "Ha ha you missed" shouts Annoying Guy and we reload the tubes and send two more his way. To our surprise, he starts running to where the mortars are going to land. We call out, "Hey moron, duck" to which he dives and the mortars explode about 15 yards from him. When he is out of range we start shooting them skyward again. Then he comes back into rage about 5 minutes later and we start up again, "Hey we are missing you come about 20 yards left one guy yells. We launch mortars at him for another 20 minutes and then we got tired of that and decided to hold the launch tubes in our hand and light mortars. I was surprised at the kick, it was like firing both barrels of a double barrel 12 gauge shotgun at the same time. As Annoying Guy makes his way back up the dune, Zeus starts barking and growling at Annoying Guy and we start laughing. Tech 1 makes his way down the dune and Annoying Guy thinks that it is Zeus running down the dune and calls out to Tech 1 "Zeus come back, come on boy!"

Finally when we are out of mortars, we head back to camp and just chill. Annoying Guy and some of the other guys are drinking and then we hear Annoying Guy tell one of the guys, "I want you to punch me in the stomach as hard as you can." The guy he asked to punch him is 6'4 and has a good strong frame and build. The guy is asks "Are you serious?" to which Annoying Guy replies "Yes!" So the 6'4 guy stands up and gets ready to sock Annoying Guy but some of us tell him to wait so we can get our cameras out and ready. The guys start recording and the 6'4 guy asks Annoying Guy if he is ready and he replies that he is. It happened fast I saw his fist fly towards Annoying Guys stomach and then heard the impact, it was loud and Annoying Guy doubled over and looked like he was about to throw up. Then after about a minute he slowly straightens up and looks like he wants to pass out. Then he holds out a hand to the guy who punched him and shakes his hand. 10 minutes later we are all chilling again and Annoying Guy who is extremely drunk runs back out to the shore to do more Karate Kid moves in surf and in the process runs right in front of a giant 4x4 diesel truck which nearly runs him over. I shouted to him, "Hey look out dumb-ass!" but he kept running with a beer in one hand and still has no clue that he was literally inches from death. Shortly after that me and one of the other guys and his girl jumped into a rental car that we had rented and drove back up to Austin. We pulled in at around 9am and drove about 400 miles on one 12 gallon tank of gas. There is about and eighth of a tank left.

This story however is not over yet. After we left my brother went back to the came site for a little bit and then drove back to my mothers house with Tech 1. According to the guy who punched Annoying Guy earlier, the following took place:

3:30 rolls around and Annoying Guy is still running up and down the beach doing Karate Kid punches and kicks into the incoming waves and then running back up to camp and back to the beach. He for some reason thinks that he has lost his car keys and believes that he buried them in the sand under his car so, he crawls under his car and starts digging holes trying to find his keys shouting, "Guys my keys, I buried my keys under my car!" He then finally realizes the tide is higher the water is washing up around the back of his car and he starts freaking out again. He starts yelling in his very drunken state, "Hey guys,guys,guys!" "The ocean, the ocean, the ocean you guy!" "Guys! Guys! Guys! The ocean is going to wash my car away!" "You guys!" Mind you that he is 10 feet away from where everyone left in our camp is sleeping. Then Annoying Guy starts yelling out my brothers name, "Shaaaaaad, Shaaaaaaaaad, Shaaaaaad! The ocean is going to wash my car away." The guy who punched him earlier says, "Hey shut up we are trying to sleep, Shad left!" After hearing that Annoying Guy freaks out even more and starts crying, "Guys, guys, what are we going to do the ocean is going to wash my car away, Shad left without us, and nobody cares." "Guys the ocean!" Then he runs back to the shoreline yelling, "You guys, the ocean!" Finally about after and hour and half of him running around shouting and standing next the guys who were trying to sleep and shouting, he kneels down with his forehead touching the sand and keeps yelling, shouting, and crying about how the ocean is going to wash his car away and how no one cares and what are they going to do because "Shad left without them." Finally the guy who punched him earlier get up from where he is sleeping, grabs Annoying Guy, pulls him up close and says, "Shut the f^@* up we are trying to sleep!" Annoying Guy stands up and pushing him away and the guy thinks that Annoying Guy is going to puch him so he cocks his right arm back and punches Annoying Guy in the face dropping him but not knocking him out cold. Annoying Guy was quiet after that.

The next morning the guys were woken up by some people that were camping a few cars down. They said, "Hey guys you better go wake up your friend he blends in really well with the sand he almost got run over by a diesel truck. He is right over there. Annoying Guy is found face down in the sand covered in sand as well and is passed out. They wake him up, "Hey! Hey man what are you doing sleeping over here?" Annoying Guy replies, "I was afraid that I was going to get washed away by the ocean last night so I slept up here so that I would not get swept out to sea and drown." The guy who punched him twice the night before says, "Well you almost got run over by a few trucks come man come back to camp." Annoying gets up and walks back to camp with the guys, takes off his sand covered tee shirt and falls back asleep face up with one of his hands resting on his chest his fingers spread. When he woke up a few hours later he has a lobster red sunburn on his face arms, and chest. However one part of his chest is unscathed by the sun and his chest is now all red expect for the outline of his arm and hand on his chest.

You know there are times when I often think to myself, "Should I feel bad that this stuff happens to Annoying Guy?" I find that I almost do feel some ounce of sorrow but then I remember, "It's Annoying Guy, no matter how much we try and help him, he does not listen nor does he care." So I guess I am ok to say that I don't feel any sorrow for him. There are some people who are just to stubborn to accept the fact that they need to grow up, act their age, learn how to face and deal with reality. They instead have this mentality that they are perfect and that that no matter how many electrical fires they cause, or how many times they get punched, nearly run over or nearly blown up in one night, they are right and the rest of us are wrong. I guess all we can say to that is "Well we tried and they just would not listen." I will give him this though, I have to thank him for making this year's Independence Day one that I will never ever forget thanks to his drunken state.

Don't worry the "Stop Annoying Me" segment is far from over yet. I shall return soon with another tale of Annoying Guy.